@#%*& INSTRUCTIONS

Over the years I have had many frustrating experiences with the instruction manuals sent with toys, furniture, or some other product that required assembling. It seems like they are written by someone who has no concept of how to use the English language to communicate. I provide an example from a recent project I completed this week. It was our brand new swing set, now standing in our back yard after several nerve wracking days of following said instructions and trying to interpret their true meaning:


Insert the two A-Frame Poles (CBG) into the end of the Swing Bar (CBO) that does not have a nut insert in the locations shown. Make sure the dimples in the A-Frame Poles face out away from the Swing Bar.

 My response was, "HUH?"


This is the very first line of the owner's manual showing how to construct the play set and got me off to a great start. 

Oh, and by the way, the illustrations accompanying the instructions needed a magnifying glass just to be able to see them. As the project proceeded there were BZO, ATV, ASL, ARU, BZN, BZP, and BZU bolts; ARM, BTS and ABK nuts; AAF and ARL washers; ARO, BZM, BZJ, AOF, and CUX plastic plugs; ARV, ADW, and ADV screws; CBX panels, CJ and CCI brackets; ASM quick links; and many more items identified with cryptic lettering, all to be identified and used only as directed. There were procedural warnings galore making it seem as though using the wrong nut or bolt at the incorrect time would bring down the wrath of the play set gods upon my head or at least initiate the end of the known universe.

Only one thing saved my sanity. It was a bit of advice I received from my son who helped me on several occasions. He said, "No matter how carefully you read these instructions there will always be the inevitable mistake and you will have to undo something you have completed and do it over again. Don't get mad."

There was, I did and I didn't get angry--for the most part.