GLOBAL WARMING

The cause of global warming was made clear to me during a recent conversation I had with my son and his friend. We talked about how we are all fighting the battle of the bulge. I personally have given up counting how many times I have lost and regained the same 20 pounds. During the conversation my son mentioned he has seen statistics about how the obesity crisis around the world has caused the weight of the world's population to increase significantly. I instantly made the connection between the increased weight of mankind and global warming. 

Because people are fatter it means this additional weight bears down upon the earth, making the entire planet heavier, and causing the globe to rotate just a little slower due to its increased weight. (Think about it. Isn't it true that the heavier you are the slower you go? An obese man cannot run the 100 meter dash as fast as his lean competitor.) This slower rate of rotation means the sun beats down on each part of the earth just a little longer than it used to. By increasing the time the sun shines on each point on the earth it means the temperature goes up ergo global warming.

To sum it up: GLOBAL WARMING IS NOT CAUSED BY CARBON DIOXIDE EMISSIONS THAT LEAD TO THE GREENHOUSE EFFECT. IT IS CAUSED BY FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS.