The cause of global warming was made clear to me during a recent conversation I had with my son and his friend. We talked about how we are all fighting the battle of the bulge. I personally have given up counting how many times I have lost and regained the same 20 pounds. During the conversation my son mentioned he has seen statistics about how the obesity crisis around the world has caused the weight of the world's population to increase significantly. I instantly made the connection between the increased weight of mankind and global warming.
Because people are fatter it means this additional weight bears down upon the earth, making the entire planet heavier, and causing the globe to rotate just a little slower due to its increased weight. (Think about it. Isn't it true that the heavier you are the slower you go? An obese man cannot run the 100 meter dash as fast as his lean competitor.) This slower rate of rotation means the sun beats down on each part of the earth just a little longer than it used to. By increasing the time the sun shines on each point on the earth it means the temperature goes up ergo global warming.
To sum it up: GLOBAL WARMING IS NOT CAUSED BY CARBON DIOXIDE EMISSIONS THAT LEAD TO THE GREENHOUSE EFFECT. IT IS CAUSED BY FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS.
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The problem with personal computers:
1. They don't think exactly the way I do.
2. They can't anticipate what I really mean.
3. They expect me to
actually input data
correctly.
4. They argue about the best way to do what I
want.
5. They don't play well with friends (i.e. PC vs
Mac).
6. They get nervous and glitch all over the place.
7. They sulk and go black or blue screen when
they get offended.
8. They present too many options on how to fix
themselves when they're ill.
9. They eat too much electricity.
10.They might take over the world. SEE: I Robot,
The Matrix Trilogy.
Over the years I have had many frustrating experiences with the instruction manuals sent with toys, furniture, or some other product that required assembling. It seems like they are written by someone who has no concept of how to use the English language to communicate. I provide an example from a recent project I completed this week. It was our brand new swing set, now standing in our back yard after several nerve wracking days of following said instructions and trying to interpret their true meaning:
Insert the two A-Frame Poles (CBG) into the end of the Swing Bar (CBO) that does not have a nut insert in the locations shown. Make sure the dimples in the A-Frame Poles face out away from the Swing Bar.
My response was, "HUH?"
This is the very first line of the owner's manual showing how to construct the play set and got me off to a great start.
Oh, and by the way, the illustrations accompanying the instructions needed a magnifying glass just to be able to see them. As the project proceeded there were BZO, ATV, ASL, ARU, BZN, BZP, and BZU bolts; ARM, BTS and ABK nuts; AAF and ARL washers; ARO, BZM, BZJ, AOF, and CUX plastic plugs; ARV, ADW, and ADV screws; CBX panels, CJ and CCI brackets; ASM quick links; and many more items identified with cryptic lettering, all to be identified and used only as directed. There were procedural warnings galore making it seem as though using the wrong nut or bolt at the incorrect time would bring down the wrath of the play set gods upon my head or at least initiate the end of the known universe.
Only one thing saved my sanity. It was a bit of advice I received from my son who helped me on several occasions. He said, "No matter how carefully you read these instructions there will always be the inevitable mistake and you will have to undo something you have completed and do it over again. Don't get mad."
There was, I did and I didn't get angry--for the most part.
