Apparently that is the mantra of the International Olympic Committee as well.
2012 Summer Olympic Sports:
archery--Arrows into paper targets,
extremely
exciting mass
audience
appeal.
badminton--This is the backyard game on steroids
but it's still just beating the heck out of a
little cone shaped piece of plastic.
basketball--Ah, now your talking, especially since
they decided that professional athletes
have more skill than armature players.
beach volleyball--Who can deny the appeal of
bikinis and tight speedo trunks?
boxing--At least they don't let the participants beat
each other on the head without giving them
some semblance of protection for their
brains.
canoe / kayak--what? How many people in the
world even care?
cycling--Still it's just riding a bike, and didn't we
finish the Tour de France last week?
diving--Interest in this has to go back to when we
learned how to swim ourselves and
someone told us, "Jump in. It will be
fun." We jumped and have been looking to
find the same raw fear in the face of anyone
else who is crazy enough to leap off a
perfectly safe place into a pool of deep
water.
equestrian--Who can afford to feed a horse let alone
train it to jump over obstacles?
fencing--One person poking another with a sharp
stick. I want to see that over and over.
field hockey--I think I'd wear a mouthpiece and a
helmet too. Something about swinging
sticks around trying to hit a ball remind me
of the time I was bashed in the head with a
bat while playing baseball.
gymnastics--Who in their right mind would say to
themselves, "I'm going to climb up on that
six inch wooden beam and then I'm going
to do a back flip, or I'm going to swing
swing from those to wooden bars and then
let go, or I'm going to spring off this spring
board and vault onto that leather covered
table over there, or I'm going to hang from
these rings suspended from the ceiling and
then gyrate my body, or I'm going to
contort my body into near impossible
positions while tumbling and keeping in
time to the music?
handball--This is a game you play in the park or on
the school grounds, not in the Olympics.
judo--Let's watch people grabbing hold of other
people's clothing and trying to throw them
to the ground. The prospect excites me.
modern pentathlon--Half a decathlon. Apparently
modern participants don't care for ten trials
of fitness strength and skills. Of course the
athletes can't seem to make up their mind
whether to run, shoot, ride, swim or poke
somebody with a sharp stick.
rowing--Who in this country besides a few people
in the North East part of the US ever see
these kind of races? In fact without TV who
would ever see the races at all?
sailing--I guess it's hard to do, but I live in a desert
and it's difficult to relate.
shooting--Wait a moment. You can get an Olympic
medal for shooting a pellet gun? I'd like to
see that. Oh, wait another moment.
No, I wouldn't.
soccer / football--They call it the beautiful game. I
keep wondering which is the beautiful part:
The running back and forth chasing a ball
for 90 minutes plus stoppage time, the
frustration with the lack of scoring (just
give them six points for a goal and three
points for direct penalty kick), the fake
injuries cured by the magic spray the
trainer rushes onto the field to apply to the
"injured" player, the horribly inconsistent
refereeing or the magnificent stadiums the
games are played in? It can't be the goals
because there are very many of those.
swimming--You can walk along the side of the pool
faster than the swimmers can swim, and
there are so many different races you can
loose track of your favorite fish.
synchronized swimming--How many people in the
world do this activity or even know it is
being done. All it is is a tribute to Ester
Williams.
table tennis--Ping pong! A medal for ping pong
where all you do is bash a ball of
plastic back and forth until somebody
misses the table.
taekwondo--Bouncing up and down and trying to
kick each other in the ribs (protected of
course), now that is martial arts even Bruce
Lee couldn't recommend.
tennis--Don't we have enough tournaments during
the year: the Australia open, the French
Open, Wimbledon, the US Open, etc?
track and field--Finally the true foundation of the
ancient Olympic Games. Staged in
a massive stadium with a appeal even for
my wife. She likes the running the most.
triathlon (swimming, biking, running)--Particularly
appealing to those who don't want to count
to five, poke anyone with a sharp stick or
shoot defenseless clay pigeons.
volleyball--Okay, a sport with a place for spectators
to watch and cheer even without the
bikinis.
water polo--Most of the action goes on below the
surface of the water. Truly exciting now
that we can see with underwater cameras
all the attempts to rip an opposing players
trunks down around his knees.
weightlifting--Gym rats love this. I'm not sure I do.
wrestling--There is a reason we called them 'pit
smellers' when I went to high school. This
is not to be confused with Wrasseling of
TV fame.
There you have the complete list of sport and pseudo-sport for the London Olympics. Lest we forget, Golf is set to debut in Rio in four years and softball and baseball have been relegated to the non-accepted category of Olympic sports. If you miss the balls and strikes just remember you can always tune in a watch the canoe / kayak events to get your sport fix for the day or get the MLB channel on cable.
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