AVOIDING MANHOLE COVERS

I have done a fair amount of driving during my almost fifty years behind the steering wheel of an automobile.  I have driven in Ireland, Guatemala, Brazil, Canada, as well as the USA.  I've been a passenger in England, Belgium, the Netherlands, Germany, Switzerland, Italy, Greece, Egypt, Lebanon, Israel, Mexico and Southern California. I have learned several life lessons from the experience.  I share a few of them:

•  Manhole covers are necessary to give work to people all over the world who like to climbed into them to do whatever it is they do down there.  However, I'm still trying to understand why they are placed in the road precisely where you must swerve to avoid them.  Most people don't try not to run over them and the results are: possible damage to the alignment of the car, bruised or broken tires, chattering teeth, bobble heading, back injuries, and unfavorable comments about your driving ability from passengers. It seems infinitely more logical to me that road builders should place utility manholes in the center of the road where few cars would ever run over them. This would reduce damage to both automobiles, their occupants and the manhole covers themselves.  I'm still investigating the possibility of a conspiracy between utility providers, road construction companies and automobile manufacturers.

•  Window glass makes it difficult to communicate your true feelings to other drivers. Horns and sign language are frequently used but cannot  convey the true depth of one's emotions. 

• Women see things faster than men and aren't afraid to let a male driver know when he has done, or is about to do something dumb. 

• People think they are invisible when they are inside their automobile, otherwise why would they sing out loud to the radio, CD or mp3 player or pick their noses in public?

• If you are approaching an exit on the freeway you desire to take, and/or there is someone traveling too slow in your lane, it is more desirable to pull out from behind said automobile, speed up to pass that vehicle and then cut sharply back in front of them than it is to just remain behind the car and take the exit when it arrives. By leap frogging the car you are then free to take the exit when it arrives two seconds later or just slow down to annoy the driver you just leapfrogged. 

•  Everyone else is a fault when they drive and they all (except me) need to go back for more driver's training.

• Texting and talking on cell phones when driving are constitutionally protected rights. Aren't they? Don't tell me it is dangerous. If you continue to argue about it I'll just text all my friends and tell them to block you.

•  The road belongs to me and everyone else should just get out of my way.