THANKS SANTA!

I hope Santa Claus is happy!  He's probably home at the North Pole, sitting in a high backed armchair with his feet up on an ottoman in front of a cheery blaze in the fireplace, sipping on a hot drink while he thinks,  "Ah, it's over for another year."
But is it?
January, February, March for me are spent pulling all of the costs of the December extravaganza together and trying to get a start on paying for the presents Santa delivered on Christmas Eve (Someone has to foot the bill). These 3 months are also spent in efforts to maximize our tax return and then waiting for the return to arrive and give some relief from the expenses of the Holiday Season. These months also have their own holidays and family birthday's with which me must contend.

April, May, June and July are spent in relative peace without much thought of Christmas except that I have to start saving for the next installment of the event coming at the end of the year. 
June marks the anniversary of our marriage and I turn a year older each July. Those events are more at the forefront of my thoughts when it happens than worrying about Santa, slaving away at the North Pole manufacturing toys, clothing and candy.

August, September, October, and November are months when my wife commences to collect the necessary family gifts to be given to our four children, their spouses, our 12 grandchildren and her numerous friends on December 25th. The stress is on. "Guess what I just got for..." is the beginning of a sentence I will hear more and more  as the month of December approaches. Thanksgiving marks the beginning of the Holiday Season.

DECEMBER is an all out sprint toward the finish line:
    1. The tree is decorated and the house is festooned with holiday trinkets.
    2. Church and family parties are held.
    3. My wife shifts into serious shopping gear and begins in earnest to find the "right" gifts for each family member.
    4. The number of items on her lists of things she has to accomplish increases exponentially and she is often overpowered by the planning and work it all represents.
   5.  Now is the time for me to assume my grinch-like persona just to provide some balance to the euphoria of schmaltzy Christmas music, unrealistic holiday happiness, and hightened expectations the season engenders.
  6. Like the slaves in a Roman war ship we row faster and faster to the beat of the timing drum. As December progresses we rise to ramming speed and plow full bore into Christmas Eve.  

The calm of Christmas afternoon feels like the only true respet from the process which will resume the following morning as we return the gifts we can't use or that don't fit.   

The phrase, One eternal round, comes to mind. 

WATCH YOUR LANGUGAE!

Learning a language is difficult. I have tried to conquer Spanish and Portuguese with mild success but have really struggled with English since I was born and still haven't mastered it. I've become increasingly aware that I will never know all of the nuances of communicating through this imperfect medium the Germanic Anglo-Saxons bequeathed to us and the Scandinavians and French Normans augmented. The biggest question is which brand of English do I use? There are so many versions:

Scottish English--

• Whaur dae ye bide? meaning "Where do you live?"
• a-wiz-nae. meaning, "I was not."
• I'll see you up the road meaning "I'll come with you some of the way" or "I'll see you back at home"
• I'm gaun for the messages meaning "I'm going shopping for groceries."
• Are you thinkin' o' flitting? meaning "Are you thinking of moving house?"
• Gie's a shot then! meaning "Let me have a turn now" (for example, children playing).
• Quinees meaning a girl.
• Loonies meaning a boy.
  
• Are ye goin' tuh the kirk? meaning, "Are you going to church. 

   Irish English-- 

• Are yuh gettin'? meaning "May I help you?"
• On yer bike! meaning "Get out of here."
•  Right crooked." meaning someone is very cranky.
• Play the Irish banjo. meaning dig a hole with a shovel. 
• Face like a Lurgan spade, meaning a long, sad, miserable face. A Lurgan spade is a peat shovel with a long narrow blade. 
• Cup a scald, meaning a cup of tea.
• Me da, my father. 
• Quare good, meaning very good. 

English English-- 

• Lorry meaning truck.
• Bonnet meaning a car's hood. 
• Apples and Pears, meaning stairs.
• Cheerio, meaning good bye.
• Chuffed, meaning please or happy. 
• Dodgy, sketchy or not quite right.
• Drop a clanger, meaning to do something incredibly embarrassing.  
• Flog, meaning to sell something,
• Nick, meaning to steal something. 
• Snog, meaning kissing.
• Rubbish, meaning garbage or something that is trashy or nonsense. 

 Canadian English--

• Cowtown--meaning the city of Calgary.
• Chinook--meaning a warm westerly wind that blows east from British Columbia over the Rocky Mountains rapidly warming the temperature in the foothills.
• Click--meaning, slang for kilometer.
• Garburator--meaning a Garbage disposal.
• Hosed--meaning angry.
• Hydro--refers to electricity.
• Loonie--meaning the Canadian dollar coin.
• Mickie--meaning a pint of hard liquor.
• Runners--Refers to any kind of athletic footwear.
• Take off--meaning, "Get outta here!"
• Two-four- Slang for a 24 pack of beer

Australian English--

• away with the pixies--meaning dreaming.
• bag of fruit-meaning a suit.
• belt up--meaning in an angry way, stop talking and be quiet. 
• chuck a U-e--meaning make a U-turn.
• crack a tinnie--meaning open a can of cold beer.
• fair dinkum--meaning someone who is really genuine.
• a goog--meaning a large bump the size of an egg.
• the wog--meaning the flu.
• nackered--meaning someone is absolutely exhausted.
• nick off--meaning get out of here.
• put a snag on the barbie--meaning put a sausage on the barbeque.

New Zealand English--

• spit the dummy –meaning throw a tantrum.
• bit of a dag –meaning a person with a good sense of humor.
• squizz –meaning to take or ask for a look at something.
• munted –meaning damaged beyond repair.
• snarler –meaning a sausage.
• scarfie –meaning a university student.
• chook –meaning a chicken.
• scrogin –meaning a trail mix of nuts and raisins.
• rellies–meaning relatives.
•  scull –meaning to drink quickly.
• bubble and squeak –meaning re–cooked leftovers. 
• kiwi –meaning New Zealander.

Indian English--

• acting pricey -- meaning playing "hard to get", being snobbish. 
• bus stand -- meaning a bus station or bus stop. 
• carrying -- meaning to be pregnant, as in "She is carrying". 
•  club -- meaning to merge or put two things together. "Just club it together." 
• cooling glasses -- meaning sunglasses 
• crib -- meaning to complain. 
•  hall -- meaning the living room. 
•  on the anvil -- term often used in the Indian press to mean something is about to appear or happen. 
•  pass out -- meaning graduating, as in "I passed out of the university in 1995". 
• under scanner--Term often used in the Indian press to mean something is being investigated by authorities.

South African English--

• takkies or tekkie'--meaning sneakers. 
• combi -- meaning a small van. 
• bakkie -- meaning a pick-up truck. 
• kiff -- meaning pleasurable. 
• lekker -- meaning nice. 
• donga -- meaning a gully. 
• braai -- meaning barbecue 
• jol -- meaning a party.

Pakistani English--

•   brown Sahib--meaning natives of South Asia who imitate Western - typically English - lifestyle.

• chop chop--meaning meals or just food.
• desi--meaning the people, cultures, and products of the Indian sub-continent including India and Pakistan
• dacoity--meaning criminal activity involving robbery by groups of armed bandits.
• hafta--slang for the protection money collected periodically by gangsters and corrupt policemen.
•  pukka sahib--meaning "first class", "absolutely genuine" and "true gentleman" or "excellent fellow". 
• do the needful--meaning "do that which is necessary", with the respectful implication that the other party is trusted to understand what needs doing without being given detailed instruction.
•  mafia raj--meaning a criminalized nexus (or "mafia") of government officials, elected politicians, business interests and other entities (such as law-enforcement authorities, non-governmental organizations, trade unions or criminal organizations) 
• qaum--meaning refer to a community of people who share a common language, culture, ethnicity, descent, and/or history.

Nigerian English--

• yama -- meaning spoiled. 
• kolo -- meaning crazy. 
• baffs -- meaning fashionable clothes. 
• yawa -- meaning big trouble. 
• razz -- meaning an obnoxious individual who try desperately hard to fit in. 
• jaga jaga -- meaning scattered or out of place.
• ojoro -- meaning to accomplish objectives by methods of a fraudulent nature.

If I pick American English 

 then which version do I use? There are so many: (Click on one for more information)

African American Vernacular Appalachian Baltimorese Boston Cajun California Central Pennsylvania Chicano General American Hawai'i Hudson Valley Inland Northern American Midland New England New Jersey New York City New York Latino English North–Central American Northeast Pennsylvania Ozark Pacific Northwest Pennsylvania Dutch Philadelphia Pittsburgh Southern American Texan Tidewater Vermont Western Yat Yeshivish Yooper

In Short there is quite a lot of different English dialects both in and outside the US from which to choose:

Europe	Great Britain Black Country Brummie Cheshire Cockney Cornish Cumbrian East Anglian East Midlands Essex Estuary Geordie Kentish Lancashire Mackem Manchester Mockney Mummerset (mocking) Multicultural London Norfolk Northern Pitmatic Potteries Received Pronunciation Scottish (Glaswegian Highland) Scouse Southern Suffolk dialect Sussex West Midlands Welsh (Cardiff) West Country Yorkshire Ireland Cork (city) Dublin Mid Ulster Other Gibraltarian Guernsey and Jersey Manx
North America non US	Canada Aboriginal Cape Breton Lunenburg Maritimer Newfoundland Ottawa Valley Twang Pacific Northwest Quebec West/Central Canadian Other Bahamian Barbadian Belizean Bermudian Caribbean Jamaican English in Puerto Rico Trinidadian
Oceania	Australia Australian English Broad Australian Variation in Australian English Torres Strait South Australian Western Australian Australian Aboriginal Other New Zealand Solomon Islands English Palauan English Fiji English
South America	Falkland Islands Guyanese
Africa	Cameroon Liberian Malawian Namibian Nigerian South African Ugandan
Asia	Burmese Hong Kong Indian Malaysian Pakistani Filipino Singaporean Sri Lankan

  It's all so confusing and I won't even get into the  the blending together of the Utah English I learned from birth, the Guatemalan Spanish I learned on a Mission for the LDS Church, and the Brazilian Portuguese I learned as a Mission President for the Church into a unique language that I have come to fondly call Portuñol.

Which ever one you use be sure to, 

WATCH YOU LANGUAGE!