STATUS SYMBOL

 When we meet people for the first time there are a few questions that are always asked, seemingly innocently, but have at heart, the means to determine our attitude and relationship to our new acquaintance:
1.  Where are you from?
 Point of origin can tell us a great deal about a person and allows us to decide if we should hold the place of their birth against them.
2.  Where do you live?
 If you don't reside in the proper area, then of course we must look down upon you as inferior.
3.  What do you do for a living?
 This little bit of information allows us to determine a person's income bracket and whether or not we should even bother to speak to them if they don't have enough money to keep up with the rest of us.

 Establishing socioeconomic status has always been part of humanity's quest to prove who is better than whom. "Those who have the gold make the rules."

 My neighbor, who hails from a Latin American nation, told me an interesting fact about social status in his home country. He said your place in society is judged by whether or not you have visited Disneyland in the USA. Not only that, but you also must have visited Walt Disney World as well. The defining questions are:

 Have you been to Disneyland in California?

 If you answer no then it is obvious you are poor and the rich can't be bothered to give you the time of day. 

 If you answer yes then the next question is:

 Have you been to Disney World in Florida?

 If the answer is no then you really haven't made it into the upper levels of society where the wealthy have sufficient means to visit both places.

If you answer yes then you are recognized as a member of the upper class and a worthy person to have as a friend. 

Who knew that mouse ears could be so important?

 

 

MAGICAL KINGDOMS

Having just returned from visits to three of the magical kingdoms of Southern California, I have a few questions to ask. 
 

Why do people travel sometimes thousands of miles to get to a theme park, pay outrageous entry fees, stand in interminable lines in the hot sun to see animals,whose behavior is bizarre, repetitive, and  unnatural?

Why do they want to see fish who swim endlessly in the same pattern around large tanks sea water?

 



Why are we so fascinated by caged animals and flightless birds?

Or want to see the Pandas twice?

Why do we pay good money to get on a turbulent

ride that is designed to make us dizzy or throw-up our lunch?

I can only think of one answer to all of the above questions. As a people, we are crazy!

110%

Here are a few sports cliches we've heard in movies and on TV that we have come to know and love:

That just had to be the greatest--catch, throw, slam dunk, tackle, goal, etc. in the history of the game. How can they all be the greatest. It's not the greatest simply because it's the latest. If it's the greatest then there is no other to which it can be compared. That's why Tom Brady is the GOAT!

He/She is one of the all-time great--soccer players, golfers, basketball players, baseball players, softball players, pitchers, catchers, runners, jumpers, throwers, kickers, offensive lineman, defensive backs, three point shooters, hitters, goal scorers, etc. How many all time greats can there be? 

What we need to do is play like a team--Especially if you are a team. This would require selflessness and the ability to help build others so they could be the best they can be. Sharing the ball seems kind of hard for the look at what I can do generation.

If we're focused we'll be okay--If you are a bad team or player it doesn't matter how focused you are. Focus away. You will still probably lose unless you are playing a worse unfocused team or person.

It's ten feet from the floor to the basket's rim just like it is in the gym at home--Okay, but your little gym floor at home with its ten-foot baskets probably isn't surrounded by 10,000 screaming fans.

There's no crying in baseball--Maybe not but I have seen some awfully sad faces on the losing team after the last World Series game each year. I have also witnessed some world-famous basketball and football players blubbering their eyes out after losing or winning the big game.

This team/player gives 110%--This is impossible. Giving 100% by definition is all you can give. There can't even be a fraction of a percent more than 100%. If you have 110 and give 100 you have really only given 90.9%. If you give the full 110 you have given 100%. One hundred percent is all there is!  

This team is starting to gel--Are they talking about using a new hair product or do they mean their sweat is coming out sticky?

We have to take it one game at a time--No, no! Let's play two or three games at the same time. It might be more interesting.

Football is a game of inches--Of course it is and feet, and yards as well. However, I have never seen an inch carry the football.

It's a game of two halves--But I only want to see one half. Why don't they eliminate the 1st half and only play the second? It would save time, energy, injuries, and money. I only want to see one half of a soccer match because if you've seen one half you've seen them all.

Go out there and give it your best shot--No, wait! What we want you to do is go out there and barely try at all. Some people's best shot is pretty pathetic.

There's no I in team--Wow! Someone must have paid attention in grade school.

We got outplayed today--Seems logical because you lost.

There are many other oddly phrased observations floating on the airwaves. Don't worry they won't go away. Your children's children will probably have to suffer through them as well as some new sayings that will undoubtedly become part of the mindless replies to equally mindless questions that so often confront athletes and coaches. And would someone please come up with a better answer to, "What are you going to do now?" than, "Go to Disneyland."

RED & GREEN

Semaphores were created to cause stress not manage traffic. I know this because every time I have somewhere to be in a hurry, and it requires that I have a favorable stop and go ratio at the intersections I will traverse, invariably the green lights disappear and the red lights multiply.  If I have no particular deadline to meet and the arrival time at my destination is optional then green lights abound and red lights hide their ugly faces. 

This phenomenon has no relationship to time of day. Rush hour with its congested traffic is not caused by increased volume of cars but by the presence of so many stressed out drivers.  There must be a secret sensor installed in every car ever manufactured that broadcasts the drivers state of urgency to the traffic light system. When a high level of stress is detected then red lights are authorized.

If I had my way this is what I would see every time I had and urgent need to get somewhere in a hurry.

IS THIS REALLY ENGLISH?

Many of the years I taught high school at Granger High in West Valley City, Utah I would put up a list of the strange ways my students pronounced words or mashed together several words in a phrase into one word sentences. I always thought that a non-English speaker would have a great deal of difficulty understanding English because of this practice. I share with you some of the words I put on the board along with their translation:
cumear--Come here.              mahon--come on     
ackshulee--actually                goferit--Go for it. 
speshulee--especially             wanna--want to
pasificklee--specifically         gitcher--get your
nuhuh--"no"                             doncha--don't you 
elamentree--elementary       snot--It's not. 
ifyuh--if you                             cuz--because
hiztree--history                       ferill--for real
spelt--spelled                          oofer--oh for
interpet--interpret                 frood--for rude
dinnit--didn't it                      eye't--all right
importun--important           dood--dude
Ifollayew--I follow you.      soreduh--sort of   
I go--I said                            anuthern--another one
she goes--she said                kinda--kind of
whadahyuh--what do you   hunnert--one hundred 
cumon--come on                  zat--that 
haftahbe--half to be            fillings--feelings
eggzacklee--exactly             member--remember
jewluree--jewelry                dincha--didn't you
sokay--It's okay                   bob wire--barbed wire
innervu--interview              duck tape--duct tape
unso--and so                        perdy--pretty
newquler--nuclear               juskidden--just kidding
edjakayshun--education     eggzackly--exactly
Febyewairee--February      cumear--Come here.
intressting--interesting        sawree--sorry
yew-n-yer--you and your     lieberry--library
geetcher--did you eat your  fergot--forgot  
brannoo--brand new           samwitch--sandwich 
eggzit--exit                           lektrik--electric
squzme--excuse me             lemmee--let me
pome--poem                        owdahear--out of here
poztoo--suppose to              sep--except            
x-cape--escape                    hunner--hunter
acrost--across                     crik--creek
cabnut--cabinet                  gozintuh--goes into
herjah--I heard you            serp--syrup
innerseck--intersect           innerested--interested
urin--You are in                 problee--probably 
sallrite--It's all right.         I'munhuh--I'm going to.
m'allrite--I'm all right.      problee--probably
frum--from                         figger--figure
lowyer--lawyer                  seprut--seperate
zerenee--Is there any.        doanask--Don't ask.
punkshul--punctual          mountun--mountain
jahavyur--do you have your
s'whutcher--so, what is your
comefturbull--comfortable 
farzino--As far as I know. 
sss-goen--How is it going? 
presheate--appreciate 
herchurself--Did you hurt yourself? 
congradulayshuns--congratulations


 
This list could continue endlessly. It is a miracle we can understand anything a teenager says.

      
  

THANKS SANTA!

I hope Santa Claus is happy!  He's probably home at the North Pole, sitting in a high backed armchair with his feet up on an ottoman in front of a cheery blaze in the fireplace, sipping on a hot drink while he thinks,  "Ah, it's over for another year."
But is it?
January, February, March for me are spent pulling all of the costs of the December extravaganza together and trying to get a start on paying for the presents Santa delivered on Christmas Eve (Someone has to foot the bill). These 3 months are also spent in efforts to maximize our tax return and then waiting for the return to arrive and give some relief from the expenses of the Holiday Season. These months also have their own holidays and family birthday's with which me must contend.

April, May, June and July are spent in relative peace without much thought of Christmas except that I have to start saving for the next installment of the event coming at the end of the year. 
June marks the anniversary of our marriage and I turn a year older each July. Those events are more at the forefront of my thoughts when it happens than worrying about Santa, slaving away at the North Pole manufacturing toys, clothing and candy.

August, September, October, and November are months when my wife commences to collect the necessary family gifts to be given to our four children, their spouses, our 12 grandchildren and her numerous friends on December 25th. The stress is on. "Guess what I just got for..." is the beginning of a sentence I will hear more and more  as the month of December approaches. Thanksgiving marks the beginning of the Holiday Season.

DECEMBER is an all out sprint toward the finish line:
    1. The tree is decorated and the house is festooned with holiday trinkets.
    2. Church and family parties are held.
    3. My wife shifts into serious shopping gear and begins in earnest to find the "right" gifts for each family member.
    4. The number of items on her lists of things she has to accomplish increases exponentially and she is often overpowered by the planning and work it all represents.
   5.  Now is the time for me to assume my grinch-like persona just to provide some balance to the euphoria of schmaltzy Christmas music, unrealistic holiday happiness, and hightened expectations the season engenders.
  6. Like the slaves in a Roman war ship we row faster and faster to the beat of the timing drum. As December progresses we rise to ramming speed and plow full bore into Christmas Eve.  

The calm of Christmas afternoon feels like the only true respet from the process which will resume the following morning as we return the gifts we can't use or that don't fit.   

The phrase, One eternal round, comes to mind.