THE BEST PIZZA IN THE USA

Someone says, "Let's get some pizza!"
Everyone agrees, "Let's get some pizza!"
The problem is which variety do we purchase? Each brand has is pros and cons.






New York Pizza--Great but you have to
   travel to New York to get it, or have
   is shipped in cold and stale.


Chicago Pizza--Deep dish but still it is
    sold in Chicago or shipped cold.


Little Caesar's Pizza--Fast and EZ and 
  available everywhere but
  for me it is only a few steps above
  frozen pizza. It is convenient and
                     acceptable.

 Big Daddy's Pizza--It reminds me of a piece of soggy cardboard with tomato sauce and cheese on it.
 
California Pizza Kitchen Pizza--Trendy
    and good but hard to find in Utah.


 Papa Murphy's Pizza--Very good if you
   want to spend the time getting and
   then cooking it at home.
 

Papa John's Pizza--Fresh ingredients make
   good pizza.


Pizza Hut Pizza--Spent a lot of time here in Recife, Brazil. It was home away from home.



Domino's Pizza--I'm not too fond of the 

tomato sauce. 


The list could go on and on.

My Favorite, however, is Costco Pizza because that is what we get every Thursday when we visit the big box store in our area with our granddaughter Ava. She told me it is the best, and I believe her.   

DEBACLE AT BLUE LAKE

We have returned safely from one of the least pleasant experiences in which I have ever participated. My youngest son is very much a spur of the moment kind of guy. He suggested we go out to West Wendover (no gambling)  and stay at one of the hotels for free for the night, drive to see Blue Lake which is about 20 miles south of Wendover and then have dinner at a hotel. My wife thought would be a nice outing for us, so we agreed to traverse the "beautiful" terrain between here and Wendover. 

 
Part of the problem was that we got started late in the afternoon on Friday.  We did manage to see the wonders of the desert between West Valley and West Wendover.

 We got to the hotel, dropped off our luggage and launched into a run for Blue Lake trying to make it before it was completely dark. Utah 93 is a two lane road that heads directly south of West Wendover. We drove for about 13 miles until we saw the cut off for Blue Lake. 

IT WAS A DIRT ROAD!!!

From the moment we entered the road I was not happy.  The road bed was gravel over washboard ruts which made traveling on it very slow and jarring. I expressed the exaggerated comment that the car was shaking apart and it marked the beginning of a series of comments from the back seat made by my granddaughter Ava who is 4 years old, very verbal, and extremely opinionated. The five or six mile ride at 10 bumpy miles per hours as the sun slowly set behind us was punctuated with her words of wisdom and pleading:

"Is Papa's car going to fall apart?"
"I'm not having fun."
"I don't like this."
"I really don't like this."
"This isn't fun."
"Papa can you turn around?"
"I'm not enjoying myself."
"Let's go back to the hotel."
"I don't want to go to Blue Lake."
"I wish we'd stayed at the hotel and didn't go to blue lake."
"I'm not happy."
"This isn't enjoyable."
"Papa turn around."
"I want to go back."
"I want to go home."

Most of these comments were repeated multiple times filling the entire five mile drive with an air of surreality. Here I was with my son informing me to loosen up and enjoy the adventure, my wife saying every few minutes that maybe we should turn around, Ava expressing her woes, worries and concerns and a white knuckle grip on a steering wheel that was transferring every bump and jolt into my hands and arms. 

We drove for what seemed forever without spotting Blue Lake. Finally I said I would drive to an outcropping of rock in the near distance and if there was no lake in sight we would turn around. 

Just as we reached the outcropping we came upon one of the small lakes that is part of the Blue Lake group of warm springs. I heaved a sigh of relief and we parked the car and got out. My son insisted on going down to the pond to feel the water. I kept warning him about falling into the water. He kept assuring me he could swim. I threw a rock into the still pond and then looked at my arm. 
 
A mosquito lighted on it and began to enjoy itself. I squished it and then realized we were all  being attacked by a swarm of the hungry bugs. The others began to yell and complain about the mosquitoes and we rushed to get back into the car before we were eaten alive. By the time Ava was strapped into her car seat and we were inside the car with the windows closed there were ten or twenty of the little blood suckers in with us. I drove off and we kept whacking at the mosquitoes with hands, towels or what ever we could get our hands on. We drove with the windows open hoping they would fly out. Through the whole Keystone Kops antics Ava was screaming in horror. By the time it was over I personally killed about a hundred.

After things had calmed down and we were on our way in the dark back to the paved road and civilization my wife said that the pond had been kind of beautiful surrounded by all those reeds. Ava  came immediately back with. "Grandma it wasn't surrounded by reeds. It was surrounded by mosquitoes."

THE MAKING OF A PICTURE BOOK

I thought some of you might be interested in how I create a picture book. It is a long process and keeps me busy and out of trouble.  I am currently working on a book titled Grandma's Critters which will be ready to publish before the end of September I hope.  Here is why I say I hope. This is what I do for each page and there will be between 33 and 35 pages:

1. I have been working on this book for a very long time. It began years ago with the idea for the story which I wrote down.

2. The text has gone through innumerable versions until I finally got the words correct and a decided on a good ending.

3. I then drew out a rough sketch for each page of illustration and wrote in the text in pencil.


  

 



4. I then had to use a piece of tracing paper and trace the image onto it.




5. Then I turned the trace paper over and rubbed the backside with soft lead pencil.



6. I flipped the traced drawing over and placed it on to of a taped down sheet of watercolor paper and taped it into place so it wouldn't move.

7. I then went over the traced drawing with a pencil and thus transferred the image faintly onto the watercolor paper.

8. I then drew over the traced image on the water paper with waterproof ink.

9. Next I water-colored the page.



10. I then put the image onto my scanner and scanned it.

11. I pulled up the image in my graphics program and digitally enhanced it by cleaning up lines, watercolor over runs, re-drawing some images and making it look much more professional. This is often a pixel by pixel examination and takes a great deal of time for each page.

12. I then saved the image, pulled it up in Photoshop and darkened the colors.




 

13.  Then I copied and pasted the image into Power point where I am able to manipulate the size, add text and finish the process for each page. 



I have to go through this process for every page and it takes two or three days of work to complete the illustration and add the text.  Sometimes other life events prevent working on the project so it can take even more time to finish one page.

I am currently working on the illustration for the letter P to S so I still have a way to go before I finish the project and publish it online.  

As Winston Churchill said when the Battle of Britain was successfully completed in the skies over England during World War II, "This is certainly not the beginning of the end, but it is the end of the beginning."  

OLYMPIC GAMES NONSENSE

As we visited my son a few days ago I found him glued to his TV watching the beach volleyball contest in London between Brazil and Germany. I asked him why he was viewing the game. He said, "The bikinis to start, but also, watching some sports is better than watching no sports."

Apparently, that is the mantra of the International Olympic Committee as well.

2012 Summer Olympic Sports:

archery--Arrows into   
              paper targets, 
              extremely
              exciting mass 
              audience 
              appeal.
badminton--This is the backyard game on steroids
              but it's still just beating the heck out of a 
              little cone-shaped piece of plastic.
basketball--Ah, now you're talking, especially since
              they decided that professional athletes
              have more skill than armature players. 
beach volleyball--Who can deny the appeal of 
              bikinis and tight speedo trunks?
boxing--At least they don't let the participants beat
             each other on the head without giving them
             some semblance of protection for their
             brains.
canoe/kayak--what? How many people in the 
            world even care?
cycling--Still it's just riding a bike, and didn't we
            finish the Tour de France last week?
diving--Interest in this has to go back to when we
             learned how to swim ourselves and 
             someone told us, "Jump in. It will be
             fun." We jumped and have been looking to
             find the same raw fear in the face of anyone
             else who is crazy enough to leap off a 
             perfectly safe place into a pool of deep 
             water.
equestrian--Who can afford to feed a horse let alone
             train it to jump over obstacles?
fencing--One person poking another with a sharp
             stick. I want to see that over and over. 
field hockey--I think I'd wear a mouthpiece and a 
             helmet too. Something about swinging 
             sticks around trying to hit a ball remind me
             of the time I was bashed in the head with a
             bat while playing baseball.
gymnastics--Who in their right mind would say to
             themselves, "I'm going to climb up on that 
             six-inch wooden beam and then I'm going
             to do a back flip, or I'm going to swing
             swing from those to wooden bars and then 
             let go, or I'm going to spring off this spring
             board and vault onto that leather-covered
             table over there, or I'm going to hang from
             these rings are suspended from the ceiling  

             and then gyrate my body, or I'm going to 
             contort my body into near-impossible
             positions while tumbling and keeping in 
             time to the music?
handball--This is a game you play in the park or on
             the school grounds, not in the Olympics.
Judo--Let's watch people grabbing hold of other
             people's clothing and trying to throw them 
             to the ground. The prospect excites me.
modern pentathlon--Half a decathlon. Apparently
            modern participants don't care for ten trials
            of fitness strength and skills. Of course the
            athletes can't seem to make up their mind 
            whether to run, shoot, ride, swim or poke
            somebody with a sharp stick.
rowing--Who in this country besides a few people
            in the North East part of the US ever see
            these kind of races? In fact without TV who
            would ever see the races at all?
sailing--I guess it's hard to do, but I live in a desert
             and it's difficult to relate.
shooting--Wait a moment. You can get an Olympic
             medal for shooting a pellet gun? I'd like to
             see that. Oh, wait another moment. 
             No, I wouldn't.
soccer/football--They call it the beautiful game. I 
             keep wondering which part is the beautiful

             part?        

             The running back and forth chasing a ball 
             for 90 minutes plus stoppage time, the 
             frustration with the lack of scoring (just 
             give them six points for a goal and three
             points for a direct penalty kick), the fake
             injuries cured by the magic spray the
             trainer rushes onto the field to apply to the 
             "injured" player, the horribly inconsistent
             refereeing or the magnificent stadiums

             where the games are played? It can't be the

             goals because there are so very many of

             those each game. 
swimming--You can walk along the side of the pool
             faster than the swimmers can swim, and 
             there are so many different races you can
             lose track of your favorite fish.
synchronized swimming--How many people in the
             world do this activity or even know it is 
             being done? All it is is a tribute to Ester
             Williams.
table tennis--Ping pong! A medal for ping pong
             where all you do is bash a ball of 
             plastic back and forth until somebody
             misses the table.
taekwondo--Bouncing up and down and trying to
             kick each other in the ribs (protected of 
             course), now that is martial arts even Bruce
             Lee couldn't recommend it. 
tennis--Don't we have enough tournaments during
             the year: the Australia Open, the French 
             Open, Wimbledon, the US Open, etc?
track and field--Finally the true foundation of the
             ancient Olympic Games. Staged in
             a massive stadium with an appeal even for
             my wife. She likes running events the most.
triathlon (swimming, biking, running)--Particularly
             appealing to those who don't want to count 
             to five, poke anyone with a sharp stick or
             shoot defenseless clay pigeons.
volleyball--Okay, a sport with a place for spectators
             to watch and cheer even without the 
             bikinis.
water polo--Most of the action goes on below the
             surface of the water. Truly exciting now
             that we can see with underwater cameras
             all the attempts to rip an opposing player's
             trunks down around his knees.
weightlifting--Gym rats love this. I'm not sure I do.
wrestling--There is a reason we called them 'pit
             smellers' when I went to high school. This
             is not to be confused with Wrasseling of 
             TV fame.

There you have the complete list of sport and pseudo-sports for the London Olympics. Lest we forget, Golf is set to debut in Rio in four years, and softball and baseball have been relegated to the non-accepted category of Olympic venues.  If you miss the balls and strikes just remember you can always tune in a watch the MLB channel on cable.

If you can believe it break dancing will be introduced in 2024. It's a pastime but an Olympic sport. When was the last time anyone saw a breakdancing event on TV?

HUMOR IS A RIGHT ANGLE

I have three very funny sons, my daughter also has a wicked sense of humor and my wife gives us all a chuckle now and then. I am surrounded by comedians. In analyzing what makes something funny I have decided it is the right angle at the end of the joke, story, quip or anecdote. It is the twist that causes the mind to bend a little and the laughter to spill out of our mouths. For example:

There was once a avid duck hunter who owned a series of bird dogs. None of them were as good as he thought they should be. Finally he acquired a hunting dog with a registered pedigree. He was excited to see how his new dog would perform so he took him out to the lake. He set out his decoys and hid in a duck blind until some birds flew over. He shot one and it hit the water about fifty feet from where he was hidden. The hunter turned his dog loose to fetch the bird and was astonished when the dog ran across the top of the water, grabbed the dead duck, ran back across the top of the water to the bind and laid the duck at his feet.

That didn't just happen, he thought to himself. I must have eaten something that disagreed with me. I'm having hallucinations. But the same thing occurred each time he shot a duck. "That's amazing," he said as the the dog deposited the fourth bird at his feet without so much as getting its own feet wet. No one will believe this, the hunter thought. I've got to get someone to witness this so they won't think I'm crazy.

He packed the dog into his truck and drove back into town to his favorite bar. He met up with some friends who were already there and asked them to come out to the lake to see how great his new hunting dog was.  When he promised them a meal afterwards they agreed and all climbed into his truck for the drive back to the lake. 


When they got there they all crowded into the blind and waited. Soon a flock of ducks flew over and the hunter managed to shoot one. He turned his dog loose and sure enough it ran out across the top of the water, grabbed the bird, ran back to the blind and deposited it at his feet. He waited for some comment from his friends but none came. After two more birds were shot and retrieved in the same manner he couldn't stand it any longer. 

"What do you think of my dog?" he asked his friends. They all lowered their heads and shrugged. "Well," he said. "What do you think of my dog?"


One of his friends sheepishly replied, "We're awful sorry you got stuck with that dog."


"Why?" the hunter asked.


"Cause that dog can't swim!"


You laughed. Didn't you? At least a small snicker or inward chuckle.


Next time you want to make someone laugh start them done a familiar path and then take a 90 degree turn somewhere. Take a lot of 90 degree turns and you're a stand up comic.

DOGS

My daughter got a dog recently in spite of all the warnings I gave her about them.

DOGS ARE EVIL!

• They require food and water. 
• They pee and poop wherever the want and you have to clean up after them.
• They lick themselves and then lick you.
• They whine for affection.
• The climb on the furniture. 
• They need to be walked.
• They have to be taken to the vet for shots and checkups.
• You have to give them pills.
• You have to clip their toe nails.
• You have to give them baths.
• You have to pay for grooming or do it yourself.
• They grow old. 
• They die! 

Worst of all they have an insidious way of worming their way into your affections an make you love them.

GLOBAL WARMING

The cause of global warming was made clear to me during a recent conversation I had with my son and his friend. We talked about how we are all fighting the battle of the bulge. I personally have given up counting how many times I have lost and regained the same 20 pounds. During the conversation my son mentioned he has seen statistics about how the obesity crisis around the world has caused the weight of the world's population to increase significantly. I instantly made the connection between the increased weight of mankind and global warming. 

Because people are fatter it means this additional weight bears down upon the earth, making the entire planet heavier, and causing the globe to rotate just a little slower due to its increased weight. (Think about it. Isn't it true that the heavier you are the slower you go? An obese man cannot run the 100 meter dash as fast as his lean competitor.) This slower rate of rotation means the sun beats down on each part of the earth just a little longer than it used to. By increasing the time the sun shines on each point on the earth it means the temperature goes up ergo global warming.

To sum it up: GLOBAL WARMING IS NOT CAUSED BY CARBON DIOXIDE EMISSIONS THAT LEAD TO THE GREENHOUSE EFFECT. IT IS CAUSED BY FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS.

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Type Ross Martin Madsen into the search box and hit enter.

THE PROBLEM WITH COMPUTERS

The problem with personal computers:
1.  They don't think exactly the way I do. 
2.  They can't anticipate what I really mean. 
3.  They expect me to
     actually input data   
     correctly.
4.  They argue about the best way to do what I 
      want.
5.  They don't play well with friends (i.e. PC vs  
      Mac).
6.  They get nervous and glitch all over the place.
7.  They sulk and go black or blue screen when 
      they get offended.
8.  They present too many options on how to fix 
     themselves when they're ill. 
9.  They eat too much electricity.
10.They might take over the world. SEE: I Robot,
      The Matrix Trilogy. 

@#%*& INSTRUCTIONS

Over the years I have had many frustrating experiences with the instruction manuals sent with toys, furniture, or some other product that required assembling. It seems like they are written by someone who has no concept of how to use the English language to communicate. I provide an example from a recent project I completed this week. It was our brand new swing set, now standing in our back yard after several nerve wracking days of following said instructions and trying to interpret their true meaning:


Insert the two A-Frame Poles (CBG) into the end of the Swing Bar (CBO) that does not have a nut insert in the locations shown. Make sure the dimples in the A-Frame Poles face out away from the Swing Bar.

 My response was, "HUH?"


This is the very first line of the owner's manual showing how to construct the play set and got me off to a great start. 

Oh, and by the way, the illustrations accompanying the instructions needed a magnifying glass just to be able to see them. As the project proceeded there were BZO, ATV, ASL, ARU, BZN, BZP, and BZU bolts; ARM, BTS and ABK nuts; AAF and ARL washers; ARO, BZM, BZJ, AOF, and CUX plastic plugs; ARV, ADW, and ADV screws; CBX panels, CJ and CCI brackets; ASM quick links; and many more items identified with cryptic lettering, all to be identified and used only as directed. There were procedural warnings galore making it seem as though using the wrong nut or bolt at the incorrect time would bring down the wrath of the play set gods upon my head or at least initiate the end of the known universe.

Only one thing saved my sanity. It was a bit of advice I received from my son who helped me on several occasions. He said, "No matter how carefully you read these instructions there will always be the inevitable mistake and you will have to undo something you have completed and do it over again. Don't get mad."

There was, I did and I didn't get angry--for the most part.

SWINGERS

You would think that purchasing a swing set for the grand kids to play on in the back yard would be an easy task: find a set, buy it, put it together, enjoy. 

Nope! We can't even get passed the first part. Too many decisions to make:

• Wood or Metal? 

•   Cheap or Expensive?

•  Simple A-frame or attached Club House or Monkey Bars or both? 

• If metal, what color?
• Where would it go in the yard?
• Which direction would it face?
• What about the over hanging telephone and power lines?

•   What kind of seats should the swing have-bucket or strap?

Not to mention:

• Who would put it together?
• Would the grand kids use it more than once?
• Do we really want to rip out the cloths line to make way for it?
• Is it too dangerous?

Isn't grand parenting wonderful?  No need to worry about the state of the economy or the plight of humanity, just keep your mind focused on the really important issues and keep those grand kids happy.

MAKE WAY FOR DUCKLINGS

My last entry had Make Way For Ducklings by Robert McCloskey as one of my top ten favorite children's picture books. 

Early this week I went out to the front of my home to do a little extra watering on a patch of lawn my sprinkling system seems to ignore, I bent over and pulled on the hose which was wound up on a reel. The reel made about a half a revolution and a female duck came rushing out from under the apparatus and nearly scared the beejeebers out of me. 

Earlier in the week my wife had seen both a male and a female mallard duck out on our front lawn but we didn't think much about it. I looked to seewhy the duck would be under my hose reel and discovered eight eggs in a nest she had built. Sincethen she has settled back in and we are expecting ducklings in about 28 days.

Here is a picture of the duck just outside of her nest

NECESSITY IS THE MOTHER OF AN AIRPLANE!

Necessity is the mother of an airplane!
To prove this I give you the following line of logic: 

• If A = B and B = C then A = C
• If necessity (A) is (B) the mother of invention and
• An airplane  (C) is (B) an invention
• Then necessity is the mother of an airplane

The real question is, who is this father. 
 
 The Brazilians say it was Alberto Santos-Dumont and his 14-bis on October 23, 1906 in France.

But we in the US know it was one of the Wright Brothers on December 17, 1903 at Kitty Hawk with the Wright Flyer I.

I will concede that Santos-Dumont was the first person to get a heavier than air craft to fly by using wheels and an under carriage, and to get it to lift off the ground under its own power and not by the push of a catapult like the Wrights used. However, his plane was uncontrollable in the air and the Wrights invented the system of three axis control necessary to make controlled flight of heavier than air craft possible, and they did get their version of the manned flying machine into the air almost three years before Santos-Dumont.

There will always be disputes about who was first.
See the list at:
 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Early_flying_machines